Stop the blame game

Here we go again with the blame game after eight teenagers lost their lives in a horrific accident in Johor Baru early Saturday morning. Why do we do that?

A New York-based psychology website offered this as one of the reasons: that we are not good at figuring out the cause. It also said that the blame game is an excellent defence mechanism, a tool that is used when we are in attack mode and that it is easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility.

Who is actually responsible for what had happened — the parents who said that they were not aware of their children’s whereabouts at night or what they did; the children for courting death, knowing fully well the danger of making the road their playground; the car driver for not being careful while on the road; or the authorities for not hauling up these children when they are aware of the children’s nocturnal activities on that particular road?

Netizens did not mince their words when sharing and commenting on the accident on social media. There were those who put the blame on the parents for negligence, the children for being a public nuisance, the driver involved in the accident and the authorities for not taking action. In fact, harsh words were used, probably out of frustration because they think that the accident could have been avoided if someone was responsible enough to do something about it.

The accident prompted a heated discussion on parenting on WhatsApp among my Generation X friends.

They shared their experiences of growing up. Some had very strict upbringing, with the cane used as a disciplinary tool. In other households, however, this tool was put on display, which was enough to scare the children. We never had a cane in our house.

One friend had a house rule similar to mine, where we have to be home before the evening prayers. He recalled his neighbour’s kids having the same house rule.

“The only time that we see them outside at night was during our Raya do and they came with their parents,” he said.

Even our maid had to adhere to this rule. When we were staying at Straits View in Johor Baru, Lido Beach was just across the road from the house. She would take us for a dip in the sea every other afternoon. She would hurry us home before 6pm and get us ready for evening prayers.

We never knew what kind of punishment would be meted out because we never broke the rule. My mother, who, in one of her throwback moments, told us that my paternal grandfather, if he was alive, would have been livid if we stayed out late at night without a good reason. He would give us the shelling, too, if we took babies out at night. The elders’ justification of this rule was that spirits roamed at night.

But, these are hardy boys. Ghosts and spirits don’t scare them. The particular stretch of the road is, in fact, next to a Muslim cemetery.

My friends are divided in their opinions. Some said parents should be charged under the Child Act 2001 for negligence.

But, suggestions to investigate the parents have been met with public outcry, with some saying that it was unfair to charge the parents as they had suffered enough losing their children. But, eight children are dead. How many more need to lose their lives before parental negligence is acted on?

Then, there are those who suggested that the boys should be hauled up for being a public nuisance, their bikes confiscated and that they undergo counselling. But, what good would that do? We were young once and we went through a similar phase.

We wanted some sort of independence, we wanted to be different and we somewhat tested authority, but, of course, not to extent of flouting 
the rules and breaking the law, resulting in a tragic outcome like what happened on that Saturday morning.

“You take them off the streets but you will likely see them back a few days later. Being caught by the authorities and released gives them some kind of bragging rights among their peers,” one friend said.

What is needed is a win-win solution, where the teenagers can undertake their activities in a safe environment at whatever time of the day or night, where their parents can be in the know where their children are and the authorities can be assured that they do not break the law.

“Providing them a secured environment does not mean that you are legitimising their biking activity, which can be deemed illegal, but what is important is that their safety is guaranteed,” one suggested.

Relevant authorities should have their ears on the ground and be in the know of what is trending among the youth.

Take futsal, for example. It was once the in-sport among the youth. The novelty has died. Now, they are into cycling. Oh, never mind the fact that these boys have modified their bicycles.

Also, one friend correctly pointed out that more often than not, we react only after something has happened. Malays have a saying for this, “sudah terhantuk, baru terngadah”. The English equivalent is, “shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted”.

This week, eight more children are dead. How many more need to lose their lives before we actually do something about it? ​