Why Wait Until They Are Gone?

Lately, I’ve been writing more obituaries than I’d like. I’ve never enjoyed it — especially when it means revisiting the life and memories of someone who’s no longer with us. 

It always strikes me as odd that we save our kindest words for the dead, crafting heartfelt tributes to people who can no longer read or hear them.

An obituary, of course, has its purpose. It tells the world someone has gone, sums up their life, and gives others a chance to grieve and remember. 

But sometimes I wonder if we’ve made it too normal to express our love and appreciation only when it’s too late.

We do the same thing with awards. How often have we seen “posthumous recognition” given to someone only after they’ve gone — when they can no longer savour the applause or feel the pride of being seen and valued? Why do we wait until death to celebrate what was so obvious in life?

In Islam, we’re encouraged to speak well of the dead especially to remember their good deeds and forgive their shortcomings. It’s a beautiful tradition that honours both the living and the departed. 

But I often wonder: why can’t we do the same for those still among us? Why not speak well of them, celebrate their goodness, and make them feel appreciated while they can still hear it?

A few kind words can light up someone’s face especially when they least expect it. And yet, we hold back. Maybe we’re shy. Maybe we think it’s sentimental or awkward. Maybe we tell ourselves there’s still time. Until there isn’t.

What if we wrote “living obituaries”, not as eulogies, but as tributes to the people who matter to us now? A teacher who changed the way we think. A colleague who quietly lifts everyone up. A friend who’s always there, no matter what.

Imagine reading such words about yourself; to know, without doubt, that your life has mattered, that it has left an imprint on others. 

That, to me, is the real power of words: not to remember someone after they’re gone, but to affirm them while they’re here.

Obituaries mark an ending. Living tributes mark presence, gratitude, and love in real time. Perhaps the greatest gift we can give someone isn’t written on paper after they’re gone, but spoken, shared, and felt while they’re still with us. Maybe it’s time we stop waiting.